today i started feeling homesick for the first time since i've been here. i felt sheepish about it because i've only been here for a few days but i'm already feeling sort of isolated and bummed. i think part of it was the massive hangover, which always makes me depressed, but i ended up going grocery shopping and bought chicken noodle soup and it all worked out. the grocery store was a REALLY interesting experience. german food is cheap, but weird. im going to be eating a lot of envelope soup i think ... its like 20 cents!!!! incredibly cheap. i'm listening to my alexxa and justine's radio show and its making me nostalgic for middleburyyyyy. tonight i ended up sitting on the couch eating soup and watching viva, which is similar to german mtv, and then i went out to tyler's and met a new friend who is originally from maryland. he and i have a dinner/tv date tomorrow night. friday my roommate comes back and hopefully i'll feel less lonely. talking about it with everybody and admitting that i was feeling depressed helped a lot and made me feel a lot more sure about myself.

tomorrow im heading out to explore FU and get all my paperwork together. it seems like i'll never be done with all the offices and bureaucracy, but hopefully it'll go well. i also have to figure out my cell phone and bank account, and i need to buy a blowdryer and a bike asap. so far its been one bad hair day after another haha. tonight made me very happy, this radio show is making me VERY happy, and planning for milan in november is also very nice. mmmmhmmm.

yesterday was the first full day, and things are already a little wild. all in all it started tame, because i spent a lot of time at home waiting for the airport to call about my luggage. i went to a little cafe on the street to get lunch, relaxed and read a magazine and had a cappucino. i went back to my apartment, waited and finally they called!! then i got on the Ubahn, which was a little confusing at first. i walked around dazed a little, looking at all the maps and figuring out my route, but eventually it all worked out. i walked from the Ubahn to tyler's apartment, which is just as nice as mine, except his room is HUGE. he has two female roommates and one is moving out next week and a guy is moving in. we ended up having some beers and going on an adventure seeking doener kebab. i ended up going to a middle eastern place and getting a chicken schwarma sandwich with falafel, which just isn't as good, so i'll have to get one next time.

we walked around a little more and then i had to catch the train before it stopped running. well down in the station i ended up meeting these 4 canadians who were trying to get on a train that wasn't running, and i helped them find where they were going and ended up going with them. i hung out at their youth hostel and partied with all these people in the woods, and then crashed and came home by bus and train this morning with a scottish hitch-hiker. everyone at the hostel was heading to munich eventually for oktoberfest, but i just don't think i can go. this weekend i have plans with my roommate and its too soon, and i don't know anyone going next weekend and i'm not sure what i'll have to do then. tonight will not be as big a party because tomorrow i have to go to the university and take care of some things. now my plan is to go out and get some groceries and bring them back, and then maybe walk around charlottenberg a little bit. i am very happy to be able to shower with all my shampoos and soaps, etc. i'm definitely starting to feel more at home. i think that everything will click once i start taking classes and have a schedule and am meeting new people.

this is my first post from berlin!!!! oh the excitement!!! i left the philly airport on friday at 3 pm. my flight to boston was insanely crowded and short but super late. in logan airport i had to jump on some shuttle to get to the international terminal, which was more stressful than i thought it would be. then, aer lingus did this funny trick which scared the crap out of me ... on the boarding pass it says "gates close" when the gate actually opens, so here i was in boston, with 10 minutes to get my boarding pass, get through security, and get on my flight. in reality, after i spazzed out and got to the gate "on time" all sweaty, that was when it was first opening for pre-boarding. i went to starbucks, got a smoothie and a gross chicken sandwich and ate it huffily, angry at myself for freaking out.

on my flight to dublin i sat next to these two HILARIOUS irish men. i couldn't sleep, so i watched pirates of the caribbean three. i probably slept for an hour toward the end of the flight, and then watched out the window once we were over ireland. the experience in the dublin airport was my least stressful by far, it was very tiny and clearly marked, and i sat and people watched until we boarded. it was the first time in my life that i got to actually walk out onto the tarmac and board the plane from stairs, which is something i always wanted to do, so i can check that off my life to-do list. it wasn't as kennedy-esque as i'd hope, but maybe if i ever land and walk onto the tarmac it'll be more satisfying.

baggage claim took forever, and of course, one of my suitcases didn't make it. i have to call the airport after this post to try to track it down, which is a little daunting on the phone auf deutsch, but i think i'll be able to do it. it is the suitcase with all my makeup/toiletries/shoes, so i really want it back. philipp the german picked me up at the airport, and seeing him standing there with a sign with my name on it was such an overwhelming feeling of relief. he went with me to the office for lost luggage, where they assured me it's most likely in dublin and should be here today (hopefully!). then we took the train to my apartment and chatted during the very long ride.

my apartment is absolutely STUNNING. once i have some free time to internet i'll upload pictures/get a flickr account i guess. my roommate is so nice and sweet and accomodating and she had my room totally set up with sheets and bed things and it was just adorable. i put up all my pictures and wall-things and it feels like mine. i then walked around my neighborhood, which is pretty wealthy and super nice. its on savignyplatz, which is an older area, and the apartments are beautiful. i can't wait to spend this week walking around and exploring the city and really getting my bearings. eventually tyler made his way over, and we hung out and talked about the city and our plans for a little while, and then we went to the park and ate currywurst mit pommes, which is a sausage with curry and loads of ketchup, and fries with mayo (yummmmm europe). then we went to a pub that is at the end of my block and drank some beer and just hung out and enjoyed berlin. the weather yesterday was GORGEOUS but today is cloudy and drizzly. it's making me want to stay in my snuggly bed, but i definitely need to get out and see things.

i'm feeling a little overwhelmed by the city and being so far from home. i'm also considering getting a german bank account, and not being able to call my mom easily to make plans about it is tough. the city seems huge, and i know i have a list of things to do but i'm feeling sort of confused by them. the good news is that my roommate has a cell phone that i just need to buy minutes for. that is a lot easier here than it is in the US. i'm going to go re-read some emails, make my plans for the day, shower and then head out. i'm feeling a little frustrated, especially since the internet magically won't work in my room so i'm sitting in my roommate's room right now. i think i'll feel better once i feel a little more in control.

ive officially begun packing. tonight i'm sorting through all my clothes. tomorrow i'm gonna try to meet up with an old teacher. thursday i have a mini spa day, then dinner with my dad. friday is my last day of work at both jobs. saturday im going in the city and having dinner with mom. sunday im gone. wow wow wowwww so excited. scotty has a blog now too. when i get to berlin i'll send out a mass email with my info and a link to this blog. im excited to see tyler and be in berlin with a familiar face and have someone to freak out with/calm my freakout haha. so pumped but sooooo much to do blahhhh. time to listen to my mixtape and get everything done.

one week from today i'll be on my way to berlin. for now, being home this week is kind of depressing. middlebury was absolutely spectacular. i don't feel like working all week, but it'll be nice to squeeze out a little extra cash. i'm starting to get really really really excited.

i am leaving in, now, less than two weeks. panic is settling in. i feel like my life is an endless to-do list and i'm working practically up until i leave, which is making me stressed out that i won't have enough time to get things together. i feel like a switch has been flipped and everything has gotten very real and very stressful. im going to vermont on thursday, which is seeming to be a huge chunk of time out of my life, but i'm incredibly excited for it nonetheless.

today i dug around and found my plane ticket. also, my wallet came back into my life after having lost it. i'm feeling very together. i have my money, my ticket, my passport, my wallet. i'm pretty much ready to go. watching fellini movies makes me wish i had learned italian. maybe that will be my next language of study. i definitely want to visit italy while i'm in europe. hopefully it will be this beautiful/surreal.

now that i've started giving out this blog address to people, i figure i should really start posting more often. the countdown is down to three weeks. i sold my car yesterday and ive decided to give up on selling my textbooks, and take on that project when i come home, since i'll definitely be broke then. i need to buy myself a second suitcase, some assorted clothing items, a memory card for my camera, and a few european-electricity converter deelys. i also need to find where my mom stuck my plane ticket, because i'd feel much better if i had that before i left. i've been continuously stocking what i lovingly refer to as my "berlin collection" of haute couture fashion from the likes of forever 21 and h&m, convincing myself that it is a good idea in the long run because clothes there are quite expensive. before i leave i plan on having a little walnut street shopping spree, and my dad said he'd throw some designer stuff my way from his store in AC.

i can't believe that it's september. i can't believe that the summer is over. i definitely, as usual, did not get to the beach as much as i would have liked, but all in all this summer was pretty great. everyone has left for school at this point, so i'm pretty lonely at home, but it'll be good to see my mom for the next three weeks, get to philly (which is difficult now that i have no car), and just come to terms with leaving new jersey for so long.

one month. one month from today. i have the apartment, the plane ticket, i'm signed up and verified in the system, AND i have the blog. i now have to sell my car, sell some textbooks, visit midd for a few days, tie up loose ends, see some people, make and complete some lists, and pack up and go.


this blog is a tad redundant. i'll revisit it probably a week before i leave, in my general stupor and mania.

leaving just got a little bit harder. its coming up ... six weeks. last night, in a drunken malaise sort of way, i was babbling about the desire to take half of people with me. i want to take half of my mother, and half of molly and half of katie and half of my dogs and half of my friends and half of this new man and have part of them with me to experience things with me. its like when you really miss someone and you hear something or see something or think of something that you would have shared with them - relating back to an old joke or a topic of conversation or something that they loved. it's easy to get nostalgic about school, and im already feeling nostalgic about new jersey. how can i leave now when everything is going so well?


in other news, ive justified my shopping habits by buying things for fall/winter and insisting that its a good idea to buy "for berlin".