well springtime is finally here and i have neglected this blog for way too long. the weird thing about studying abroad, at least for me, is that when i was first considering going there was no question in my mind that it would be berlin for one year. i immediately wanted to read as many "abroad" blogs as i could, glean all the useful how-to information and have the most prepared, knowledgeable, perfect abroad experience ever. when saying goodbyes, i felt so attached to my life at home and the people i was leaving, i insisted to myself that i would do everything differently and magically spent all sorts of free time writing long heartfelt letters, sending (surprisingly expensive!) postcards, and keeping up with group emails.

the ultimate truth that i've discovered about study abroad is that it is an intimate, at times indescribable experience more than anything. a friend of mine from middlebury said that after he and his group of friends all got back from their respective study-abroad countries, they all sort of collectively said "oh my gosh it was amazing" and then went on with their lives. its impossible to sum up a year of your life for someone. when someone emails me asking "how is berlin?" i kind of want to laugh a little ... its similar to asking "how was being five years old?". its almost intangible and difficult to summarize, and i think that generalizing my experience month by month will only cheapen it. i can say, without a doubt, this has been the most amazing six months of my life, but i'm struggling to find a medium between that vague communication, and the tedious daily emails i send my mother about what i ate or whom i saw, etc etc.

i will struggle on, though, for posterity's sake, and for the sake of vanity and my ego as well. my last final paper was turned in on march 9th. the feeling on the tenth was pretty much indescribable. after two intense months of work, it was all over. i felt guilty about being a bad student and taking so long to get everything done until this morning, when i got an email from another girl in the program who is finishing her work NEXT WEEK. how she even got that kind of an extension is beyond me. anyway, on the tenth, jordan was here! and decided after spending 3 days in berlin to stay, um, for a long time. shortly there after, i scooted over to prague again for a weekend, which is always raucous, and then jack came and stayed with me for a week and a half.

when jack came boy oh boy was everything full of hail and snow and awful weather, not to mention residual bitterness over the ubahn strike. yesterday, however, the temperature was about 16 C, which is about 61 F. today is 15, which is about 58. still. wow. wow wow wow. i know i know, dont get my hopes up, its going to rain, go back around 8 or 9, but still. the excitement over this weather is reaching the kind of hysteria levels reserved for middlebury spring, which usually comes about on may 1st, and is elusive and ephemeral until we all leave two weeks later.

i can not wait to experience berlin in springtime and even better - SUMMER. today the daylight officially reached 13 hours. in july, berlin gets about 17 or 18 hours of sunlight, which is insane. i plan on my bacchanalian lifestyle to increase threefold, and my general glee to be doubly as intense as my wintertime gloom. tomorrow night im flying to paris, just to increase the happy. add to that the fact that next year i am most likely (99% on this one) going to be living at 77 main street with three other friends, a living situation that is so much better than anything i imagined last month.

everything is so good that i'm a little afraid to jinx it: travel, new semester, new friends, beautiful weather, old friends, a new bike, a fresh start. i mean, granted, there are tiny lows. a giant melodramatic blow up with a certain ex boyfriend (who has never read this blog anyway, so i can talk about him all i want) hasn't really gotten me down, but really has liberated me even further. the thing is, i still sort of feel sad about it, but very very little and the feeling is continually passing. also i have some weird sort of cold happening, which i blame on the sudden changes in weather. hopefully i can drink a ton of water and juice today and get it under control by tomorrow.

i don't want to complain, or think about the bad stuff though, because i feel that it's something that i need to change about myself ultimately. i need to accept being happy and trust it. it's like, after holding on to bad feelings for so long its really hard to let go of them. it makes me think of the "trust building" leadership exercises we would do at high school retreats, where you would close your eyes and cross your arms and fall backward, and your group of 15 people would have to catch you. you have to trust them. sometimes i feel like i have a hard time closing my eyes and simply letting the universe catch me.

it's now friday, somehow, the last few days have gone by really fast. yesterday i had the WORST time falling asleep and a difficult time waking up too ... the jet lag is super apparent at this point. i hopped on the train and ventured out to the university. the weather in the last few days has been incredibly gray and dreary, and it lent a sort of dramatic background to FU, almost a foreboding one. combine that with all the paperwork i have to do, i managed to really stress myself out. i found my way around, bought my insurance and then found a cheap book sale and bought a book for 50 euro cents. i was really hungry, so i saw the dining hall and went in. as a middlebury student, i am used to just walking into a dining hall and being able to eat whatever i wanted, but i knew i would have to pay here. what i did not know is that the cash registers don't take cash, they take a special card that you need a student ID to get, and i still don't have one. the woman at the cash register was very patient and understanding, and gave me a "guest" card but it was still a little embarassing. i think its safe to say that no american eating establishment, college dining or not, would pass up the chance to make more money by accepting cash.


after that fiasco, i stood outside in line in the rain with other international students at the international student office, and after being jostled around a bit, got to the right part of the office and a VERY patient woman went through all the steps of the next few days with me. it was the most helpful. i feel sort of frustrated because i feel as if i've been told the things i need to do over and over again, and they still are a little unclear/confusing/so numerous that i can't keep them straight. i did feel good, however, when i got to leave that office knowing i had registered myself as a student and gotten through that red tape. now the german government's red tape will be conquered next week.


after that adventure i came home and walked all around and got lost, which was kind of fun, and found the tiergarten which is a HUGE park in the center of the city. i managed to make my way back eventually, finding the ku'damm and then getting back to my apartment. i picked up a baguette, some basil and a bottle of wine and had my friend tim over for dinner. i made pasta with homemade sauce and he brought armenian sausage that he had bought at the turkish market for 3 euros and it was SO delicious. the leftovers are in my fridge, and i'll most likely be eating them all week. after that we went to this cafe called "schwarzes cafe" which is his favorite place, and now is definitely mine. i was nervous that charlottenburg, although pretty and homey, was too quiet, but this place as incredible. its open 24 hours a day, has a whole mess of foods, including pretty reasonable/fun breakfast combinations. it has a HUGE drink list, including 3 kinds of absynth, which i sipped but did not actually order ... tim's had 68% alcohol content before he added the sugar and water. i felt very edgar allen poe.

then i came back to the apartment and proceeded to watch 2 episodes of pete & pete and an episode of clarissa explains it all DUBBED IN GERMAN. pretty ridiculous, really. then i ended up going back to the bar, because it was around 11-something and i had promised to call my mom at 1:30 am, and i ended up meeting two really awesome girls there who live nearby and got their email addresses since i still have no cell phone.

today i was going to go to the bürgeramt, but it closes in an hour and im too sleepy to deal with the german bureaucracy right now. the girls from last night told me about a smaller one with less people, so i'll have to wait in line much less, so i'll go over there probably punishingly early on monday or some other time next week. next week orientation starts (!!!!!) which is super exciting, but will take up more of my time at least on monday and tuesday, and then wednesday is a national holiday. tonight i'm meeting tim and we're going to try to get some cheap tickets for the season opening of the ballet (!!!!!!!!). they should be about 10 euros for seats that are normally 100-something. other than that i need to clean up the kitchen/my room today, and fill out some paperwork before i go to the offices. the homesickness has retreated a little bit, although it was really nice to talk to my mom last night, and i am missing some people from home a whole lot, i'm feeling better and better about things here. also, listening to wrmc on the internet helps a little too haha, as cheesy as that is.

today i started feeling homesick for the first time since i've been here. i felt sheepish about it because i've only been here for a few days but i'm already feeling sort of isolated and bummed. i think part of it was the massive hangover, which always makes me depressed, but i ended up going grocery shopping and bought chicken noodle soup and it all worked out. the grocery store was a REALLY interesting experience. german food is cheap, but weird. im going to be eating a lot of envelope soup i think ... its like 20 cents!!!! incredibly cheap. i'm listening to my alexxa and justine's radio show and its making me nostalgic for middleburyyyyy. tonight i ended up sitting on the couch eating soup and watching viva, which is similar to german mtv, and then i went out to tyler's and met a new friend who is originally from maryland. he and i have a dinner/tv date tomorrow night. friday my roommate comes back and hopefully i'll feel less lonely. talking about it with everybody and admitting that i was feeling depressed helped a lot and made me feel a lot more sure about myself.

tomorrow im heading out to explore FU and get all my paperwork together. it seems like i'll never be done with all the offices and bureaucracy, but hopefully it'll go well. i also have to figure out my cell phone and bank account, and i need to buy a blowdryer and a bike asap. so far its been one bad hair day after another haha. tonight made me very happy, this radio show is making me VERY happy, and planning for milan in november is also very nice. mmmmhmmm.

yesterday was the first full day, and things are already a little wild. all in all it started tame, because i spent a lot of time at home waiting for the airport to call about my luggage. i went to a little cafe on the street to get lunch, relaxed and read a magazine and had a cappucino. i went back to my apartment, waited and finally they called!! then i got on the Ubahn, which was a little confusing at first. i walked around dazed a little, looking at all the maps and figuring out my route, but eventually it all worked out. i walked from the Ubahn to tyler's apartment, which is just as nice as mine, except his room is HUGE. he has two female roommates and one is moving out next week and a guy is moving in. we ended up having some beers and going on an adventure seeking doener kebab. i ended up going to a middle eastern place and getting a chicken schwarma sandwich with falafel, which just isn't as good, so i'll have to get one next time.

we walked around a little more and then i had to catch the train before it stopped running. well down in the station i ended up meeting these 4 canadians who were trying to get on a train that wasn't running, and i helped them find where they were going and ended up going with them. i hung out at their youth hostel and partied with all these people in the woods, and then crashed and came home by bus and train this morning with a scottish hitch-hiker. everyone at the hostel was heading to munich eventually for oktoberfest, but i just don't think i can go. this weekend i have plans with my roommate and its too soon, and i don't know anyone going next weekend and i'm not sure what i'll have to do then. tonight will not be as big a party because tomorrow i have to go to the university and take care of some things. now my plan is to go out and get some groceries and bring them back, and then maybe walk around charlottenberg a little bit. i am very happy to be able to shower with all my shampoos and soaps, etc. i'm definitely starting to feel more at home. i think that everything will click once i start taking classes and have a schedule and am meeting new people.

this is my first post from berlin!!!! oh the excitement!!! i left the philly airport on friday at 3 pm. my flight to boston was insanely crowded and short but super late. in logan airport i had to jump on some shuttle to get to the international terminal, which was more stressful than i thought it would be. then, aer lingus did this funny trick which scared the crap out of me ... on the boarding pass it says "gates close" when the gate actually opens, so here i was in boston, with 10 minutes to get my boarding pass, get through security, and get on my flight. in reality, after i spazzed out and got to the gate "on time" all sweaty, that was when it was first opening for pre-boarding. i went to starbucks, got a smoothie and a gross chicken sandwich and ate it huffily, angry at myself for freaking out.

on my flight to dublin i sat next to these two HILARIOUS irish men. i couldn't sleep, so i watched pirates of the caribbean three. i probably slept for an hour toward the end of the flight, and then watched out the window once we were over ireland. the experience in the dublin airport was my least stressful by far, it was very tiny and clearly marked, and i sat and people watched until we boarded. it was the first time in my life that i got to actually walk out onto the tarmac and board the plane from stairs, which is something i always wanted to do, so i can check that off my life to-do list. it wasn't as kennedy-esque as i'd hope, but maybe if i ever land and walk onto the tarmac it'll be more satisfying.

baggage claim took forever, and of course, one of my suitcases didn't make it. i have to call the airport after this post to try to track it down, which is a little daunting on the phone auf deutsch, but i think i'll be able to do it. it is the suitcase with all my makeup/toiletries/shoes, so i really want it back. philipp the german picked me up at the airport, and seeing him standing there with a sign with my name on it was such an overwhelming feeling of relief. he went with me to the office for lost luggage, where they assured me it's most likely in dublin and should be here today (hopefully!). then we took the train to my apartment and chatted during the very long ride.

my apartment is absolutely STUNNING. once i have some free time to internet i'll upload pictures/get a flickr account i guess. my roommate is so nice and sweet and accomodating and she had my room totally set up with sheets and bed things and it was just adorable. i put up all my pictures and wall-things and it feels like mine. i then walked around my neighborhood, which is pretty wealthy and super nice. its on savignyplatz, which is an older area, and the apartments are beautiful. i can't wait to spend this week walking around and exploring the city and really getting my bearings. eventually tyler made his way over, and we hung out and talked about the city and our plans for a little while, and then we went to the park and ate currywurst mit pommes, which is a sausage with curry and loads of ketchup, and fries with mayo (yummmmm europe). then we went to a pub that is at the end of my block and drank some beer and just hung out and enjoyed berlin. the weather yesterday was GORGEOUS but today is cloudy and drizzly. it's making me want to stay in my snuggly bed, but i definitely need to get out and see things.

i'm feeling a little overwhelmed by the city and being so far from home. i'm also considering getting a german bank account, and not being able to call my mom easily to make plans about it is tough. the city seems huge, and i know i have a list of things to do but i'm feeling sort of confused by them. the good news is that my roommate has a cell phone that i just need to buy minutes for. that is a lot easier here than it is in the US. i'm going to go re-read some emails, make my plans for the day, shower and then head out. i'm feeling a little frustrated, especially since the internet magically won't work in my room so i'm sitting in my roommate's room right now. i think i'll feel better once i feel a little more in control.