saturday will mark the two month anniversary of my arrival in berlin. just thinking about that is insane. two months down, a little over 8 months to go. i haven't updated in a while because i've been running around like crazy lately. i decided that this week is going to be sort of a detoxification week for me, and then i came down with a nasty cold so it's definitely been a detox. my diet has consisted almost solely of fruit, tea, yogurt and crisp bröd*. today i strayed from my diet for the first time with a little börek, which is turkish junk food kind of. its phyllo dough, and i get mine with ground beef, feta and spinach. it's not exactly junk food, it's just really good. gözleme is more junkfoody, but i can never eat a whole one.

anyway, enough about my newfound love of turkish cuisine. this weekend i traveled to scenic weimar with the whole group of midd exchange students. it was really nice, if very cold. we were forced to leave at 7:45 am due to the bahn strike, which was kind of a pain, but it worked out amazingly for us. when i think about the luck i had finding my mom in italy, and the luck we had in switching trains to weimar, it makes me believe in karma. i feel as if my travel luck is my karmic payback for all the stress and crap i have to go through with money and computer stuff and school stuff here. anyway, we managed to switch trains immediately and got to weimar around 11 am. weimar, for the uninitiated, is the hometown of johann wolfgang von goethe, the man the myth the legend. it is also the birthplace of bauhaus, and was the home of friedrich schiller. for anyone reading this who is truly uninitiated with german culture - they're really really important. schiller is considered the most important german classical playwright and also wrote the poem "ode to joy" which beethoven then set to music. goethe is just a huge deal. he did everything and completely influenced everything about german culture and everyone in this country is just obsessed with him pretty much.

the nice thing about the trip is that middlebury paid for the hotel, the train tickets and the museums/theater. all that we had to pay for was food, which actually ended up costing me a little more than i'd like. friday night luisa, meredith, alice and i ended up going out for a ladies' night which ended up at a crazy techno club with a dance party downstairs. we were there for a really long time, and on saturday i came down with a really gross cold. all in all i visited the bauhaus museum, goethe's house (which was amazing), schiller's house, a (really cheesy) ginko museum, and also spent a lot of time eating thuringer rostbratwurst, drinking hot chocolate (because it was freezing), and drinking schwarzbier (which is delicious). on sunday we went to buchenwald, which was really emotionally disturbing. the weather was freezing and really foggy, which made it even more depressing and unsettling. there were so many striking aspects of the camp and i feel as though the way that they have set it up as a monument to the victims is really well thought out and powerful. the museum exhibit was really impressive and i had to restrain myself from buying a few books.

this week i've been battling my cold and trying to keep up with everything happening around me. there is so much that i want to do and see here, i really need to start planning better. i also need to clean my room and get organized. i have no drawers here, which is kind of problematic for me. i might need to take a trip to ikea and buy a few more things for my room. i also need to start visiting more museums. i feel as if the city is still so foreign to me. this is what everyone meant when they insisted that i go for a year - they said that after one semester you will only begin to feel at home there, and it's so true. i've been thinking about internships and i decided i want to try to intern at the checkpoint charlie museum or the jewish museum. i'm going to do a little more research first, but either one would be really enlightening i think.


on monday i had my first oral report - it was an interesting experience to say the least. i have always disliked group work, and at least at middlebury i am dealing with other english speakers. it's really hard to judge someone's personality when you're speaking in your second language - my relationships are slightly more superficial i think, and so it was hard to tell how we'd work together as a group. we also didn't have a choice, but i was amazed at how the guy in my group acted the entire time. he appeared to be really well put together but in reality did very little work, put it off till the end, forced us all to work on his schedule, COMPLETELY stressed me out, and then spoke for an excessive amount of time during the actual report on a subject that we had already gone over in the last two class periods. for my part, i got really nervous and spoke a little too fast, and went on a little long as well, but my professor said he was really impressed with my work and my spoken german, and 3 friends of mine in the class told me they thought it went really well. i felt like it could have gone better, but i have two more to do this semester for other classes so i guess it will improve. my next report is on 12/3, but it's not really a traditional "referat" like this one was. for the upcoming one i have to read this novel, which by the way, is over 1000 pages, and come up with 3 theses on certain characters. i dont think i'm going to be able to read the entire thing, but i'm pretty sure that luckily my characters are only in the first part of the novel. i'll be consulting a lot of secondary literature for this report, but i think that's okay. had i known that i would be reading this book, i might have begun in august. there's just no way that i have the time to read all of it within the semester on top of 3 other classes.


anyway, things are going pretty well i just need to get myself a little better organized and chill out this week. next weekend i'm going to london which is really exciting! i'm staying for free with my friend lisa, and my goal is to spend as little money as possible. then two weeks later i'm going to florence!! for christmas kathi is having a big dinner here, and then i'm going to her parent's house which is really nice. i'm also planning on staying in berlin for new years and spending it with my friend laura and most likely tyler and luisa, if they're here. my plans are extending longer and longer - i've even got plans in february already! time is flying by here, but it's really great - constantly overwhelming, but great.





*i felt that crisp bröd deserved a footnote. it is my german obsession. just like how polar pomegranate and vanilla flavored seltzer waters became important parts of my life at middlebury, crisp bröd is amazing. i only like viva vital brand. its like a flat bread, i think it's originally swedish, and my roommate got me addicted. its got a million grains in it and at first i hated it because i felt like it tasted really cardboard-y, but it has become one of my favorite foods and i'm not sure how i'll cope without it in the US. it's also mad cheap, which is nice.

i am back from italy and so i figured i should write a little update on my life. i took like 200 pictures, and they're all up on facebook. i'm too lazy/busy to try to then update everything on flickr and then figure out how to get them on my blog. chances are if you read this, you can see them anyway. so after a full week of classes, on thursday i woke up at 4 am, pushed the dog out of my bed and grabbed my things and walked to the train. it was kind of eerie to walk around so late (and sober). i felt like a teenager running away from home, for some reason. i took the train to schönefeld airport and got on a plane and flew into milan. my mother and i met up by the GRACE of GOD on this airport bus, and we got on a train and headed out to lake como. como lago, as its called in italian, is a BEAUTIFUL lake in northern italy about 45 minutes outside of milan, where the versaces, roberto cavalli and george clooney (among many other rich people) have villas. it was absolutely spectacular. we met up with the group, all together numbering around 120 people, and ate lunch and took a boat tour of the lake. we then road the funiculare up the mountain and got to see the lake from way up high at sunset, which was really beautiful. later we stopped by a silk factory, but rather than taking a tour which would have been interesting, we ended up just shopping for extremely expensive silk things.

the next day we woke up around 7 and spent the day touring milan. my mother and i opted to walk from our hotel into the downtown, which took about 45 minutes at a leisurely pace and was really beautiful. italy really does not get started until 11 am. we were walking around at 9:30 and everything was closed, which is very different from berlin. italy also closes earlier, which is annoying, and apparently (obviously) has much stricter alcohol-in-public laws. not as bad a scotland, but still, kinda lame. anyway, we walked around and saw the duomo and a big workers strike happening, and then i met will and noah in the plaza of the duomo!!!!! i was so excited to see not just familiar faces, but familiar faces of old friends. it was really really nice. the four of us ran around and got lunch and chatted and caught up and drank a fair amount of wine (at least two of us did). we then met up with one of the groups and toured the duomo which is beautiful and really unique inside. we went through an old shopping plaza which might have a 7 star hotel, but noah doubts the credibility of our tour guide. then we took a tour of la scala, which was really beautiful, and i felt lucky because i got to see a special exhibit of maria callas' costumes, and i wrote my final paper on her j-term of my freshman year. i bid goodbye to noah and will, and the group went to the church santa maria de grazie to see the last supper (la ultima cena). it was spectacular. to go in you had to go through two rooms in order to maintain the climate in the room, and each group is only allowed in for 15 minutes.

after the last supper we walked through a beautiful old castle which used to mark the northernmost part of milan, but now is smack in the center. we then went to a wine tasting dinner which was absolutely delicious. by 8:30 pm it was full of drunken middle aged women dancing with the almost-as-drunk waitstaff, which was pretty hilarious. that night, after everyone else went back to the hotel to sleep, i met up with MARY CHILES!!! which was also amazing because i haven't seen her since may and i have missed her dearly. we caught up for a few hours in a bar down the street from my hotel, and when we came back to the hotel my mom woke up and we all stayed up talking till around 3 am. i was so happy to see mary, it almost didnt matter that i had to wake up the next day at 5:30 am. i managed to get out of bed and stumble, still drunk, onto the bus for the best part of the vacation.

yesterday we took a 3 hour bus ride (which i clearly slept through) to VENICE. i'm not kidding when i say that it is my favorite city in europe. i want to live there for the rest of my life. i want to live there at at least 7 different historical time periods. i want to walk every street and ride a gondola through every canal. i could have spent the whole weekend there and been satisfied. we took a gondola ride and ran around the city and ate a delicious lunch in a restaurant in the center and went to the murano glass factory to see a glass blowing presentation and gawk at tacky glass figurines that cost 45,000 euros. the whole city was absolutely unbelievable, and i really didn't want the day to end. eventually we made our way back to the bus and i proceeded to fall asleep for another three hours on our return trip to milan. last night i went out with my mother and her friends and a few other people to a restaurant and gorged myself on gnocchi and caprese salad. this morning was frustrating, especially because i was functioning on practically no sleep, but i woke up at 4:30 and eventually landed in berlin unscathed, if a little poorer. upon landing in berlin, for most of the landing i couldn't see the ground which made me very nervous. the cloud cover was extremely low, and as we were a few feet from the ground i finally saw why - everything was covered in snow. that's right, november 11th and it has been snowing steadily all day. in the city it isn't sticking to anything, what with the heat from the cars and all the foot traffic, but in schönefeld, way out in the suburbs, there were at least 2 inches coating everything.

it was really wonderful to see my mother (and im not just saying that because she's my #1 blog reader). it was also nice to get some comforts from home in the form of slippers, dial soap, junk food and a few essential DVDs. it did remind me of a lot of the people i miss, as did seeing mary and noah and will and gossiping about middlebury. it's hard being so far away sometimes, especially when i see the pictures from halloween or think about people who are going to be back for j-term. i am really happy here, though, and i realized halfway through our second day in milan that i really was missing berlin. i was missing my apartment, my bed, ditte and kathi, my street and my new friends, and i think i even referred to it as "at home" a few times. i really am feeling very much at home here, but at the same time the trip away was much needed. it was equally nice to get out of the city as it was to come home and feel like it was a homecoming. being greeted by kathi and ditte as i walked in, given a cup of tea and a blanket on the sofa, i told her about my trip from start to finish. the german word is gemütlich, which means cozy and homey, which is really how it's starting to feel here.

it's been a while since i've updated. things here have been moving at an incredibly rapid pace. i'm really starting to feel sucked into the whirlwind that is this city. there is always something happening and always somewhere to go and something to do. it's leaving me completely exhausted. i'm going to milan on thursday to visit my mother, which will probably not help the exhaustion, and then next weekend i'm going to weimar. the weekend after that i think i'll be forced to calm down and take it easy.


the only thing that is really stressing me out is my banking situation. for some reason this has been the most difficult part of my arrival here, and no one else seems to have had this problem but me. everything else went smoothly - all my trips to various offices, my classes are going well, my living situation is perfect, yet my money situation is really screwed up. i still don't have a bank account, i'm not sure where the money from middlebury is, and i'm not sure how to make this situation work out. after this works out i will be really settled in, but the waiting seems endless.



i've been listening to minus the bear lately and it is adding to my recent bout of high school nostalgia. i haven't been talking to many people from home, which worries me slightly, but i think it's normal. i really want things to go well this week and i can't wait to see my mom again in italy!!

today i have successfully managed to procrastinate and avoid reading in all ways possible. i cleaned the whole kitchen. i cleaned and reorganized my room. i thoroughly read the new york times online, and then followed that up with a healthy dose of left-leaning political blog. i searched the whole (tiny) kitchen for baking soda (unsuccesfully), contemplated baking something that does not require baking soda, but also does not require leaving my apartment, and am now almost out of things to do that aren't my homework.


things have been rapidly changing at home and it's making me feel really disconnected and far away. at the same time, there are lots of reasons that i am glad that i can be far away from certain things. i've been thinking a lot about being an ex-pat lately, which i think stems from reading and re-reading the sun also rises recently. i kind of envy their easy-going life - no cell phones, just 10 word telegrams and a sort of romantic assuredness that you'd see everyone you wanted to see, and many people you didn't want to see. i guess i also romanticize hemingway's character's narratives, and how you have to envision the situations they are in in order to understand what they are leaving unsaid and the manner in which they are saying it. how the romance between the two main characters is so plagued by things unsaid and deep understandings and a mysterious war-injury. there's something really enjoyable about it all to me. i've been delving into american literature rather than facing up to the fact that i have a few hundred pages of german political and gender theory staring me down.


i have made a pretty long mix of music that reminds me of high school and it's all that i've listened to lately. yesterday i talked to ben on the phone for two hours which also made me homesick, but mostly made me happy. rearranging my room also made me happy, and i plan on painting it a little bit in november. decorating my space has become a grand undertaking for me, and its a good way of taking my mind off of any lingering homesickness. the bouts of homesickness have been lessening, though, which is nice. it used to be that every day at some point i'd get a pang of sadness, but now its much less frequent and less severe. learning how to take care of myself is the most important thing i've been learning this month, and i feel like in the next few months i'll really start to feel at home here, which is kind of dangerous in and of itself, because it'll get hard to leave. just things to think about, i guess.

as of today i've officially been here for one month! woohoo!! it's kind of scary because this month has gone by incredibly fast, and so there's a duality now in which i'm staring down 10 more months which seems so long, yet since school has begun my time is so segmented and planned out that everything seems to be so short.

class has officially begun and over the last two weeks it has been a really frustrating experience on the whole. first of all, classes at FU can be cancelled for the entire semester, and you won't find out until you show up on the first day to take the class. also, classes can be cancelled for the day at whim because the professor is ill or something. so many of my friends' classes have been canceled, and a few of mine have as well. last week i tried to go to 6 classes, and i really only sat in two, one of which i am under no circumstances allowed to take. it is the one kind of class that exchange students can't take, which i find to be ridiculous, but so be it. my one class - global justice and individual responsibility - was engaging and interesting, and everything has actually worked out with that class. i am enrolled online in 2 of my classes, the rest are kind of up in the air but hopefully after this week it will all be settled. i've gone to all the classes i want to take now, and handed them my letter from heike explaining why they should let me in, but i have to see if i can get through the bureaucratic tangle once more.

secondly, my bank stuff is driving me nuts. my roommate told me to get an account with this internet bank because then i can get an account and go to any ATM in the world for free. this sounds great, in theory, but it's taking forever for them to send me my card and account info and i need to get money over here. i need to transfer my rent money to her account and in 3 weeks i'll have to start paying my health insurance too.

thirdly, the supermarkets here are ridiculous. there are a few really cheap ones, like aldi and lidl and plus, but they feel so weird. there's only one brand of everything in the whole store, and it's really small and kind of dirty. the quality is just as good as anywhere else, but you're really limited in what you can buy. close by i have a supermarket called edeka which is a little more pricey, but just generally nicer to shop in and also has a much better selection. lastly there's a supermarket equally close in the opposite direction under the train station called ullrich's which is actually humongous. it's the closest thing to an american supermarket that i've found, but the germans go CRAZY in it. everyone is so rude and pushy and i feel totally overwhelmed in there. at least in the smaller markets everyone is really polite. i actually almost fell over in the ullrich's and the person didn't even look at me ... all to get at the yogurt. tuesdays and fridays, though, there's a turkish market which is actually amazing and incredibly cheap. it took me a few visits to really get the hang of how to navigate a giant outdoor market, but now that i'm good at it it's the best thing that's happened to me. the vegetable selection here is pretty dismal, so cheap exotic fruits and veggies (dragonfruit!!) as well as basics like tomatos and bananas is a blessing.



now that classes have started i've met a ton of new people. also it's crazy, but i tend to see the same people in random places like on the street or in the train, which i would never have thought possible. i guess it makes sense that we're all students, a lot of us in the same area of campus, but even so - how is it possible to see people in the same train car in a city this huge at random? it's a very reassuring feeling though, to walk into the U-Bahn and see a friend, or to bump into someone by the lockers in the library. it makes me feel like i'm actually here in a weird way, that i'm actually meeting people and living as a working part of the city. sometimes i still get homesick, and i miss a lot of things about the US. firstly, the television here is terrible. the most mindless and gauche MTV shows have suddenly become vital to my existence simply for the fact that they're reminiscent of home. everything is dubbed here, and honestly, watching family guy dubbed in german is enough to bring one to tears. another thing i miss from home is understanding what i'm buying - the vocabulary necessary for food labels or cleaning product labels is still lacking in my life. this weekend will have to be another big shopping weekend for me.



today in the shower i realized that i was almost out of soap. i brought a bar of dial soap from home, and the tiny sliver is like an orange reminder that time is passing and that i've been here for so long. i'm going to have to buy a new soap, and for those who know me REALLY well, they'll know how difficult that is for me. i'm a loyal brand user. buying a german soap brand will be so metaphorical for me ... which is kind of pathetic.

so i now have picked out all of my classes, yet i'm not sure if i can register for them/how to register for them/if that's even necessary. supposedly online registration is required, but if there are classes for which i am unable to register online, i can still take them i just have to show up on monday. i find this all a bit confusing, but i have faith that it will get worked out. the only thing that worries me is the fact that in germany, i'm pretty sure that deadlines are more real than in america. F.U.'s computer system makes me miss bannerweb in ways i never thought i would. sitting here at my computer, trying to understand the complex cataloguing of majors and areas of study and the differences between classes makes me yearn for the days of freshman year, waking up at 6 am with everyone in the hall blaring music and the sun barely rising, fervently clicking on the classes i want and crossing my fingers that i could work my way into the classes i didn't get. at the time it seemed so unnecessary and dramatic, but compared to this it was a cakewalk.


the night before last i went out with luisa and we found this great club where there was a tribute to lee hazlewood, who is a semi-obscure 70s americana-folk singer whose film footage looked like something out of a burt reynolds movie/1970s western soap opera. it was very fuzzy and there was a long haired blonde woman with light pink lips singing and there were lots of shots of sun filtering through trees. i think it's safe to say that we were the youngest people in this club, and it was really funny to see a lot of europeans wearing vintage cowboy shirts and pompadours. one of the hardest things to get used to is the fact that people study for over a decade here a lot of times. someone could be a 28 year old student, and it's not frowned upon. sometimes people are still completing their studies in their early 30s. the last time i felt this young was probably at my first yo la tengo show, or the time i saw built to spill. i have yet to tap into the berlin 20-24 year old scene, which worries me slightly. i'm not sure if i'm going to like it ... i'm not a big drum&bass fan and i can only take so much techno.


other than that things are moving along steadily. it became clear to me this week that this apartment really is starting to feel like my home, and my bed is feeling like it belongs to me. that is a really nice feeling, and also, it enables me to stay in at night if i really want to. i read an article in this berlin magazine called zitty about how the city is more stressful than any other city in germany, and how part of it is this constant movement and push to go out and be out doing something. i feel like as i stay here and make more friends i will only feel this desire to be outside more and more. its something i've felt my whole life, especially in high school, and i'm starting to think that college was a mini-respite for me. i was always content to stay in at midd, watch a movie, catch up with the party for an hour and then go to bed. at home i hated staying in, and i'm starting to feel that way here.


if my schedule works out, i will have 3 classes on monday and one class on tuesday and then a 5 day weekend. what to do with all this spare time? i haven't really figured that out yet. after i figure it all out, i'd definitely consider applying for an internship, and i'm sure i'll be joining clubs and doing different things. i'm still getting used to how student life works in germany. i also plan on traveling a lot. i bought my tickets to fly to milan in november to see my mother, which is exciting, and there is more travel in the works. i need to get my bank account information back and then get my money transferred to my account and things will get a lot simpler. also, it will be nice once i deal with the ausländerbehörde because i'm dreading it and once it's out of the way i will have conquered the german office nightmare.


last night tim came over and we ate dinner and watched flava of love. i must say, i really didn't watch that show at home but since i've been here it's become a lot more important in my life. any american tv show that has subtitles instead of overdubbing is definitely a welcome source of entertainment. also, the fact that CNN shows an international edition of the daily show late at night is one of the most amazing things i've found since being here. being able to call home for less than one cent a minute is also nice, and the best thing that has happened to me recently - i found 50 euros on the ground in the train station! i want to use it to go to ikea and buy some things for my room that will make it more mine. berlin berlin starting to feel like home (just a little).

yesterday i had some german cooking lessons that were very fun. tim came over and we went shopping and he and kathrin taught me a thing or two. they've promised to give me future lessons on economic german supermarket navigation which i'm looking forward too. i made pasta with chicken and broccoli and mushrooms with kräuterbutter, which is just herbed garlicky butter. it was quite delicious - i must say i was proud of myself. in a little while i'm taking a ballet class, which will hopefully lift my spirits.


speaking of low spirits, i have decided to severely limit my facebook time while i'm here. it is only making me feel really isolated and lonely, and i think it's a better idea to focus on what i have here than what i may or may not have left behind. today i was really productive and got a lot of things done, and tonight i have plans and i should be feeling good about everything right now and not dwelling on bad feelings.


on a better note, i am really enjoying reading other people's abroad blogs and i think i will link them all on mine so that other people can read them easily as well. if you realize that i've linked you, and you don't want me to, feel free to tell me and i'll take it down.

the last few days have been a total whirlwind. i'm not used to not having a job/responsibilities, so this time before class starts is really crazy for me because i have nothing to do. i hang out with tyler every day, and also usually with his roommates or with tim. i really love all of them, and it's nice to have them around, but i'm also excited to meet new people because i'm always afraid that they'll get sick of me after two weeks straight.

last night we taught the europeans how to play beirut and flip cup, which was hilarious. they all caught on really quick, though, and they also learned the lesson that everyone eventually learns at college - don't play these games with anything besides beer. it was fun having a party rather than going out - also much cheaper. this city has been eating my money at an alarming rate. this week i'm going to have to get the spending under control ... it's hard though. there is so much good food on the streets everywhere - currywurst with french fries and mayo is my favorite, with döner kebabs and chicken falafel schwarma a close second and third.


everything is still really overwhelming here, and i still have to get some things together. i bought a cell phone, which is actually really reassuring to have with me. it's sad that i require a cell phone to feel whole, but since i've become so accustomed to having one it makes me feel like i am actually here, in a way, now that i'm reachable and have people's telephone numbers in it. i still need to finalize my bank account and get my begrüßungsgeld, which is 110 euros given to me by the german government for being a student. i got a berlin notebook, which is incredibly useful. i know that my money situation will change soon and it will be easier to save once i'm used to it and live on a schedule. right now i'm going out all the time because there is nothing else to do. it makes me miss ben, because i probably would have spent a ton of money at school had he not been such a cheapskate. having someone with you who is both fun and cheap allows you to stay in more often and spend a lot less.

in other news, tyler and i are almost positive that we spotted angela from the office walking on the ku'damm, but i'm not 100% sure. this blog will get more interesting when i start classes and join clubs and start doing things.

my bedroom
Originally uploaded by rachaelcanknit

i think the best thing to do here when i'm feeling bad is just to hang out and laugh about things. last night i watched this snl skit and the new episode of the office and just laughed so hard and it made me feel so much better about everything. hopefully by the end of this week everything will have come together. its such a frustrating feeling for me when i have all sorts of loose ends. i know that once classes start and registration (of course more red tape/stress) is over, i know i'll feel better.

and now, enough complaining, the moment you've been waiting for:

my pictures are online on my flickr account. now if i could only figure out how to post them the way i want ... its all seeming like endless frustration right now.

i feel like my life right now is an endless to-do list. hopefully the paper store is open till 7 tonight, because i need to get a berlin moleskine because i feel like my life is totally disorganized and i'm not sure where else to buy one. today was orientation, which felt like it took two eternities. hopefully tomorrow will be a little more fun - we're going around the city on a little bus tour. it is really hard not having a cell phone around here, but i'm sure it would be harder later in the semester, since i only have a few friends right now. this weekend was really nice, i had a traditional german dinner with kathi and all her friends and then last night i had a nice sushi dinner around the corner with kathi and kiki (aka roommate and her sister). this entry is totally disjointed (as are the last few) because thats how i've been feeling lately. i know the order in which i have to do things, but it all feels overwhelming still. hopefully i'll get it all straightened out soon enough. also, as soon as i have some more internet time, i have a lot of pictures to upload and put on here ... hopefully soon the internet will get straightened out because it is really annoying me at the moment.