Wednesday, August 6, 2008

as someone sets light to the first fire of autumn

as i sit here writing my final entry in my study-abroad-in-berlin-blog, its really hard to believe that 10 months have gone by, that i'm leaving in a few hours and that i won't be back in this city for months. of course i'm listening to my goodbye songs, feeling sentimental. i didn't cry when i left the states and i haven't started to cry yet, but i've come close. i can't believe how much i've done and how many people i have met here with whom i will keep in touch and be friends for the rest of my life. i can't believe how at home i have felt in berlin. although it has been really hard to be here at times, and although it did take some getting used to, this city is my home. im not sure how i will feel when i get off the plane in new york city. of course i'm excited to see everyone whom ive missed over the last 10.5 months, and i want to see my mother most of all. im sure i'll get nostalgic once we're on the new jersey turnpike, and especially once we turn off the turnpike onto 295, and then to 561 and then potter street and then i'll see my house for the first time in close to a year.

falk and i were talking about leaving and seeing it as positively as possible, and i think i have thought of it that way and still do. its an age-old cliche, but its the whole feeling of another "chapter" in ones life. my first berlin chapter has ended. now there is a small new jersey interim, followed by my last year at middlebury, to which i really look forward. being a senior, living with my friends, having a real midd experience so to speak - it will all be really really good. and then who knows? everyone is sure that i'll be back in this city as soon as i graduate, and its definitely a possibility, but i don't want to limit myself.

i know i'll be back in berlin. i don't know when or for how long, but it will happen. i also know i'll see all of these people who are so close to me again. i guess thats why leaving haddonfield and middlebury wasn't that hard, and leaving here is going to work out as well. i'm an adult living in the 21st century and if coming back and being here is important to me, then i'll do it.

this post has been overly sappy, and so with that i end this blog, to live on forever in internet posterity (until i come back .... maybe).

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