so a few of you may be wondering where the hell i've been, and more importantly why i havent been blogging. i guess a list is the best idea.

1. finals. they really started kicking my ass. and i know that everyone misjudges and everyone gets extensions and everyone says its the hardest thing ever and then everyone does well. i'm no different. just like my abroad experiences aren't necessarily some outrageously groundbreaking innovative tome-worthy panorama of berlin or of life in general, for that matter. thereby, i have neglected the blog in order to focus on not failing.

2. i had a big finals-induced spazz out where i decided i not only was failing school, but also life. i began to question my choices down to the idea of even going to college, and then slept on it and realized that if i fail (which im almost positive i didnt, but i'm nothing if not melodramatic) i have lots of things to fall back on. my grace and charm, my international collection of friends, my god-given talent for waitressing AND cutting hair AND being cute. im sure i'll land on my feet even if i'm like, the fifth person to ever fail out of middlebury's study abroad program ever.

3. i am a big mess. if you didnt gather that from above. i hate all my clothes and cant bring myself to spend money on new ones. my two favorite boots are both badly in need of repair. my favorite pair of jeans is now unwearable due to overwear (aka something that happens to me every six months). my room is a disaster. ive successfully ignored my last two papers all week and now need to get my ass in gear.

4. my mom visited which totally threw me for a loop. adding to my poor time planning, having people staying in your apartment is always stressful; this last weekend was ten times that. it was so amazing to see my mom but i would actually rather have her here for like 3 weeks so that it could be relaxed and not a race against jet-lag and the clock to see different sights. i would have rather taken my mom to cool museums and galleries, had relaxed evenings at my various haunts, walk around the city which is my personal favorite thing. it was really wonderful to see her (hey mom, aka my only reader) and i only hope she can come back in the next five months.

5. redux:
life is crazy/messy/hectic AKA SOMETHING NEW AND DIFFERENT
music is good but hard to follow from abroad
justice last night was awesome
my life this week has been 100% hedonism
i need a life-sponsor who happens to want to throw thousands of dollars at me
project runway, antm, and now gntm are the best parts of my week (maybe)


also, i got turned down for the german house ra position, so i need a place to live next year that isn't forest. ew. oh well.