i have spent the majority of the last week or so trying to write my first hausarbeit and so far ive gotten almost nowhere. now ben and the other boys are here, which is really great, but i can't really go out and party with them simply because i have so much work to do. i have a finalized outline and an introduction to my paper and i know that if i set my mind to it i can get a lot done. seeing ben here has been really interesting, because it is very out of context. he said something yesterday along the lines of how this is my place without him, which is very true. middlebury is inextricably tied up with him for me, but this is my place that is just for me, even if i think about him while i'm here or miss him ... it is my place by myself. it's a way that i have not yet viewed berlin, but it's very true. i'm not sure if it is emancipatory or not, because i can't really see it as an "emancipation" from anything, but i do know that it has both allowed and forced me to mature a lot.


so far ben's visit has been a success, my sickness is pretty much all cleared up, we're getting a new washing machine tomorrow ... things are already looking up. it's just sort of shocking because i knew that ben was going to visit, but it seemed endlessly far off - january. my birthday is in three days now, and its a milestone. a week after my birthday will be my 4 month-anniversary of coming here (that was grammatically incorrect, but it's the easiest way to put it). as could be expected, things have started to move very quickly on this side of the atlantic and it's kind of unsettling but also exciting. im having my closest friends come to my house on my birthday for dinner and then afterward we are going to go out for drinks and dancing. this means i'll be spending most of my birthday on thursday in the library writing in order to spend friday sleeping. on top of all of the craziness, i also got a babysitting job with a very nice family. they live in a very nice/expensive part of the city and have a 3 year old daughter and a baby son on the way in a few weeks. the prospect of a little extra pocket money is really nice, and it will be good to have order in my life, even though it might cut into my travel plans a little ... that might be a good thing. i have to keep reminding myself that as tempting as it is to jetset all over europe (and as cheap as it is since i'm already here), there is still so much of berlin that i have yet to explore and despite the fact that i still have SO much time, i need to take advantage of all of it and really run around more and more every week.